Do I really have a 5 and 3 year old? Sometimes I feel like a spend so much time just getting through the day, that Im not taking time to enjoy my kids growing and changing. I was almost in tears the other day just watching a video of Hannah when she was like 2, and Alivia seemed like she did everything in such a hurry that she wasn't a baby for very long, I guess Im struggling with a little guilt/regret or something that I've taken for granted this time Im suppose to be spending with them. What is my job, in what order? Servant of God, wife, mother, babysitter? Am I walking with one foot in the world, one foot in the spirit? Am I listening to what God is showing me? Lord help me be self-less, not selfish! I KNOW that Apart from YOU, that my life would have absolutley NO meaning!
Hannah is so observant ,and sensative, and imaginative. I'm really looking forward to our first year of homeschooling to be just her and I. This next school year, Hannah and Alivia will both go to Preschool (Hannah's 3rd year), then Fall of 2012, I will be done with daycare, Alivia will do 5 day Preschool and it will be Hannah and I. Chris and I both worried that being in "Preschool" for 3 years, then coming home to homeschool would bother Hannah, and she has asked a few times, why she doesn't get to go to school like her friends? But Im basically telling her that God is blessing us with the opportunity to homeschool. And that she is still getting to learn like her friends, she just gets to do it at home with a little more freedom. Doing this has been a desire of my heart since before she was born, I know that it is not for everyone, and I have no judgement toward anyone who chooses not to.
I would like to involve Hannah as much as she wants, in school activities. One blessing is that Iowa is one of few states that allows easily for homeschoolers to dual enroll and we are allowed to be as involved as we want to. Im not planning to at this point but for example I could even just send her to school for lunch and recess if I wanted to. Im a little anxious, but excited because it is finally getting to the point that its not just an idea for when she gets older, its a reality. I am going to be a homeschooling Mom, we are going to be a homeschooling family. I have done alot of PRAYING, researching, talking with many homeschooling Moms/families, read alot books, studied the laws, and I have spend a lot time talking to Hannah about it. Chris and I are in one accord with this decision. Another blessing is that we have several homeschooling families in this area, and at our church, so I dont feel alone or really akward at all when I tell people that Im homechooling my kids. Im fully aware that with this decision we are going to have up and downs, we are going to make mistakes, but we are going to do this as a family. I believe this journey will not only bring us closer as a family, but it will strengthen all of our relationships with God. Im sure there are going to be times, when I think to myself "what Im I doing"?, but Precious Lord you gave me these children, and I want to honor YOU by stepping out of my comfort box and trusting You to lead me in this decision.
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